Shape Up or Ship Out

Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.

Dear Nick,

You know something? Everyday, I drive to work and each day I come to a set of traffic lights that are eternal! They drive me crazy. So I just sit there waiting, thanking God for the air-con and watching the motorbikes weave in and out of the traffic.

On the side of the road, just before the lights, sits an old man with such a sad look on his face. He looks as though he has never had one second of happiness to ease the wrinkles that line his face.

As the passers-by come near to him, I can see him reaching out and although I cannot hear any sound coming from his lips, I can gather that he is imploring them to help him to ease his burden by giving a little bit of money or food or anything. At least fifteen people pass by but none stop or slow down to come to his aid.

Then, the lights change and it’s eventually my turn to go through them and continue my journey. The traffic speeds up but is still slow enough for me to see on the other side of the road, an old man smiling and shaking people’s hands as they stuff a few Riel in them. He bows his head thanks them with a shining grin which in turn seems to infect all around him as they too start to smile and laugh.

Remind you of anyone?

Shape Up or Ship Out

Thanks, Hindsight

How is the year shaping up for you so far? Have your predictions come true, or did you have to face a curve ball or two?
Edith Piaf, who was known as the little sparrow I think, was famous for at least one song. “Non, je ne regrette rien”. And in my mind it is a song about looking back over a rollercoaster love life and in spite of hindsight feeling no regrets. A little like most people feel. Even with hindsight, I think generally, people say that they would do it all again.
There are definitely some things that I did wrong but if I hadn’t done them my life would be completely different. So the big question is, is your hindsight 20:20 vision?
Oh and my year is shaping up ok thanks.

Thanks, Hindsight

Never Again

Have you ever gone to a new place or tried a new experience and thought to yourself, “I’m never doing that again!” Tell us about it.

The whole process of getting drunk begins in a beautiful manner. The pouring of the first glass. Tantalising and sensuous. Its perfume filling your nostrils as you press your lips closer, eager to taste the divine sweetness. You feel incredibly satisfied and fulfilled as the wet gold tickles your throat and only one thought is on your mind. “I want more!” I know I should be careful and take it slowly, but the pleasure is so intense that I throw caution to the wind and feel incredibly liberated as the drink plays with my emotions telling me all sorts of things, so convincingly that I reply, “Yes, I believe you.”

Then, suddenly things change, the pleasure is no longer as spontaneous and intense. Each new glass is just a continuation of the last and there to be drunk without any preliminary glances or tenderness. Hop la boom! Down the hatch! My mouth becomes more clumsy and insensitive. A slight dribble runs down my chin but is quickly wiped away with a tissue. My speech begins to slur and reality becomes a little blurred.

Bent over an open toilet, retching on an empty stomach. Gone are all the inhibitions and niceties. Let’s get this over with. How can I carry all this inside me? Just let’s get it out and return to normality.

“Never again, I moan”.

But, it is not the last time.  Cheers!

Never Again